It is paramount that you know that Star Trek is owned by Paramount Pictures.  B'Elanna Torres will deck you 
if you do not realize that Star Traks is owned by Alan Decker.  Commander Chokatay will tell you an animal 
story if you fail to see that this story is owned by Jason Vines.  That is all.


					STAR TRAKS:
					WEIRD UNIVERSES


					STAR TREK: VOYAGER
					
			"FOR THE WORLD IS HOLLOW AND I HAVE TOUCHED HER HAIR"


	Captain Kathryn Janeway sat down in the command chair of the USS Voyager, aware that her first 
officer was intently staring at her.  She smiled, and looked up at Lieutenant Tom Paris.  "Tom, how long until 
we reach home?"
	"One million years at out current rate," he reported.
	"Fine by me," Chakotay commented warmly, leering towards his captain.  He whispered into her ear, 
"Do you want to 'really' command me tonight, Honeybun?"
	Janeway felt her knees go weak as her body temperature rose.  She touched the commander on the 
cheek.  "Maybe we could do it now, Chuckles..."
	"I'm ready when you are, Kath-"
	"Captain," Lieutenant Commander Tuvok said sternly, "our sensors detect a Borg cube two light-
years away.  It doesn't appear to have noticed us."
	This will have to wait, Janeway thought sadly.  She looked back at Tuvok.  "It doesn't know about us 
yet?"
	"Apparently so."
	Chakotay leapt to his feet, and gazed into Janeway's face.  "Kathryn, there was once an animal-"
	"Red alert!" the computer said.  "There is a Chakotay animal story in progress!  Taking security 
measures!"
	Chakotay looked around in horror.  Then, he disappeared in a haze of sparkly blue lights.  He was 
gone.
	"What was that!?" Janeway shouted in horror.
	"A transporter beam!" Ensign Harry Kim called.
	Janeway glared at the young man.  "I'm not incompetent, you know.  Where was my Chuckles beamed 
to?"
	"The computer beamed him into space, Captain," Tuvok said.  "It was for the good of the ship.  Even I 
would have lost my sanity if I had to endure another Chakotay animal story."
	Janeway sat back in her chair pouting.  "I liked his animal stories..."  She let out a long, sad sigh.  "I 
guess no more humpty dumpty..."
	Tuvok raised an eyebrow.  "Captain, need I remind you, I am always here."  He glanced at his tactical 
board.  "Captain, since we were here talking about Chakotay and not doing our jobs, the Borg cube has now 
noticed us.  It is on an intercept course.  It will arrive in ten minutes."
	"Go to battlestations," Janeway ordered.  "Tom, can we change course and outrun the cube?"
	"They are Borg," he replied simply.
	"I see your point."  She stood up, and began pacing.  "What if we have Seven of Nine try to transmit a 
false signal... try to make the Borg think that Voyager is a Borg scoutship?"
	"Oh... Seven..." Kim grunted as his right hand lifted off the Operations console and slipped from 
view.  His breathing began to get very heavy.
	Tom Paris looked at the ensign with disdain.  "Harry, get a hold of yourself!  We can impersonate 
Wesley Crusher later!"
	Janeway shook her head in disbelief.  "Whatever."  She slapped her commbadge.  "Seven of Nine, can 
you set up a decoy field in order to fool the Borg and make them think that we're one of their own vessels?"
	"Yes, I can.  I have knowledge of all things Borg, which somehow fits into my tiny human mind."
	"Good.  Do it."
	Minutes later, Tuvok said, "The attempt was successful, Captain.  The Borg are moving away."
	Kim looked at Tuvok dubiously.  "Why would they leave?  They may be reading a Borg vessel, but 
how would they receive collective signals from it?"
	"This is Voyager, Ensign," Tuvok scolded Kim.  "You are never to question the events that occur, no 
matter how bizarre and inconsistant they may seem.  It is the order of things."
	Suddenly, Seven of Nine and B'Elanna Torres burst out of the turbolift.  They were shouting insults 
at each other.
	"Romulan p'tak!" Torres yelled.
	"Second-rate Kazon!" Seven countered.  "Your bumpy forehead and bad temper is very 
unremarkable!"
	"Why you little..." Torres seethed.  She grabbed Seven by the arms and lifted her up.  "You will 
pay..."
	"Your pathetic attempt at attack is futile."  Seven began shaking her chest from left to right.  Her 
considerable weapons array knocked Torres to the ground, freeing Seven.
	"I will hurt you!" Torres screamed, leaping to her feet.  She quickly yanked Seven off the deck and 
threw her at Captain Janeway's hair.
	"How dare you!" Seven raged as she collided with the hair.  She bounced off and hit the deck, 
unconscious.
	"Just like any other day," Janeway said.  The crew laughed.

					THE END