Announcer (A): We are here today with four
up-and-coming web personalities, writers (or so they claim) of stories
that parodize the Star Trek universe. Nothing seems to be safe from
their pens...or keyboards, as the case may be. Questions have been
compiled by a vast staff of researchers, questions which probe to the
very essense of Star Traks and why it appears to appeal to the readers -
who tend to have no taste anyway - who link into these sites.
The four writers are Alan Decker, creator of Star Traks and writer of the
original series, as well as Waystation; Anthony Butler, spinner of tales
in The Vexed Generation; Maija Meneks, who takes us to the Delta quadrant
with BorgSpace; and Brad Dusen with his ship of Banshee misfits.
A: What is Star Traks?
Alan Decker (AD): Excellent question! I'm glad
you asked. Star Traks is a comedy series set in the Star Trek universe.
That's the short answer. More specifically, Star Traks chronicles the
voyages of the Starship Secondprize, a ship crewed by Starfleet rejects
and untried crewmen. Luckily, their missions are as strange as they are.
A: And what about those spin-offs? How did
they ever begin?
AD: Let me go first. The first spin-off was
really Waystation; although, I didn't plan it that way. Originally, I
wanted to do a Star Traks story focusing on some of the minor characters,
sort of like the Lower Decks episode of TNG. Well, I wrote a page or two
and realized that while this story might be interesting, it wouldn't
solve the problem, which was that I had too many people running around on
the Secondprize. After that, the Waystation idea came together pretty
quickly, and I wrote what I guess could be called its pilot, which was
Star Traks V. I'll let Anthony tell you how he got involved.
Anthony Butler (AB): I want my turn!
AD: Didn't you catch that segue?
AB: No. I was trying to adjust my chair.
A: SPEAK!
AB: Oh, right. Well, Alan and I
met Summer of 1995 while working in
Inventory at Salisbury State University. Yes, there is such a department
at a university called Inventory, much like the fictional Starfleet
Inventory department. If you ever wanted to know where that idea came
from, there you have it. Anyway, on long boring walks across campus in
which we had to tag and identify Starfleet...uh, I mean University
property, Alan told me about Star Traks. I was so interested in the idea
I read a few stories, then set out to write my own series. We bounced
back plot lines about each other's stories on all those long boring
workdays, and it sure made the dull grind of that painstaking hellish job
all the more...but I'm rambling.
Maija Meneks (MM): Yes you are.
AB: Anyway, so I wrote. I, like Brad and Alan,
based many of my characters on friends. Some of them complain I haven't
portrayed them fairly, or that I don't give them enough storylines, or
what have you. Some actually enjoy it. Some wish I would stop referring
to them as Lieutenant or Commander in real life. Go figure. I was up
into Year Two before I thought any real number of people would ever see
the stories. I was having trouble even getting my friends to read them.
But Alan's site was up and doing well, and I decided to try it. And boy
am I glad. Posting those stories each week makes me feel like I had a
reason to write them. And getting feedback from readers, even the
filth-ridden hatemail...
AD: WHAT?
AB: Whoops. Nevermind about that. Anyway, those
letters and comments and site visits make my dreary and sick life feel
like it's worth living. It gives me a cause to roll out of bed each
morn...
A: Moving on...And you two? You've been awful
quiet...Maija...how did BorgSpace begin?
MM: Maija thinks you don't want to know. She
thinks you'd just look at her oddly, just like all the other people do.
A: Uhum...yes...well, the readers would like
to know.
MM: Okay. It all begins when Maija was at work
and very bored, so she began randomly surfing the web. She came to this
wonderful site called Star Traks. Maija read and read and read. She
must have read too much, because a week later she had this odd dream
telling her about this idea called "BorgSpace" and how the first several
stories would go. So, rather than fight the inner voices, Maija gave in
and wrote.
A: *Looking at Maija oddly,
especially with the use of the third person* Why are you
refering to yourself by name?
MM: If Maija told you, she have to kill you. Or
at least write you into a story where you would be horribly assimiated by
her characters and sent to a lingering death.
A: Well, let's continue, shall we? Brad, could
you enlighten us about Banshee?
Brad Dusen (BD): Banshee started more as just a
single story that I wrote after reading Star Traks, Waystation and the
Vexed Generation. I sent it to Alan, along with a series proposal and
got feedback from him and Anthony (this was before Maija and I first
met). I wrote a second pilot, which was the one I put on my site, as
well as a few unpublished stories that were rewritten. The final element
to my series, the addition of Section Thirty-One, when I figured that
Banshee could stand to have a different premise, which has worked out
nicely.
A: Now that the prelinaries are out of the
way, I've a few specific questions from Star Traks readers. First is to
Alan:
How come there are discrepancies between Traks and what's on Trek? Picard
was never an admiral!
AD: Thanks to continual meddling by the powers
that be, the Star Trek universe has changed a bit from when I initially
wrote these stories. Who knew when I started writing these in the Fall of
1992 that they'd be on a web page six years later. Hell, in the Fall of
1992, I didn't even know what a web page was. In any case, I'm not
psychic, so discrepancies exist. Just pretend that Picard had a short
stint as an admiral between Generations and First Contact, and you'll
spare yourself a headache. Thanks.
A: Alan, I've not asked you yet, but why did
you start writing this in the first place?
AD: Hmm...That's a tough one. The planets must
have been aligned just so, and...Okay. Here's the truth. I love Trek; I
love comedy. I decided to put them together, but I didn't want to do a
parody. Instead, pulling personality traits from the people in my life
and exaggerating them to the extreme, I created my own characters.
A: What do you consider to be your
influences?
AD: Star Trek, obviously. Also, Red Dwarf and The
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy really shaped how Star Traks evolved. I
really admire the writing of Peter David. He is the true master of Trek
writing, and he's got a great sense of humor. Finally, the Trek novel How
Much for Just the Planet?, the author of which I can't remember right
off-hand, provided an early blueprint for Traks. If you haven't seen or
read any of the things on this list, go out and find them right now!
Okay, maybe that was a bit pushy. Just check them out; you won't regret
it.
A: And you others, do you have any specific
inflences, other than the original Star Traks?
*muttering and mumbling...finally one person speaks
out first*
MM: Ditto what Alan said, other than the Trek
novel. Oh yes, through in a little Terry Pratchett too. Maija knows he
is fantasy...but if you want to read /wonderful/ parodies, he is
definitely the writer to go find...hard to keep a straight face at
times.
AB: I, like Alan, am a rabid Peter David fan. I
also like short stories and poetry. I think I see a lot of Joseph
Heller's Catch-22 (which I strongly recommend) in Traks, although Catch-22
is a lot darker. Don Dellilo's White Noise was also a great book that may
have inspired me a bit.
BD: Obviously my friends are perhaps the biggest
influence, since they are the people whom my characters are based on. I
was even nice enough to give them credit in the dedication plaque graphic
on my site (what can I say? I'm a nice guy).
A: What's this I hear about a television
deal?
AB: *Looking at
Alan* You never said anything about television? What gives? And
how much do I get out of this deal?
AD: Hey, hey, hey...that was my question! I'm
the head honcho here! Anyway, about the television deal...not a thing. I
don't have one. However, if any of you Hollywood types like Traks, I'm
ready to go. Just send me some e-mail.
A: Alan, seriously, what do you want out of
all this?
AD: World peace. That, and my own series. I know
Paramount would never let me besmirch the name of Trek by putting Star
Traks on the air (although they let Homeboys in Outer Space occur), but I
believe that the concept can work whether Trek is involved or not. Other
than that, I just enjoy getting feedback on my work and, most of all,
making people laugh. If you snicker at even one line in a Traks story,
I've done my job. Also, I thrive on feedback. Write me at
cmdrajd@aol.com!
MM *raises a hand*
Maija would really, really like a huge box of Honey-Nut Cherrios, you
know, like the ones at Costco. Her previous box only lasted a month and
a half.
BD: Since we are making requests, I'd like world
peace and an end to starvation. That, and a few million dollars. Of
course we can't always get what we want.
AB: Me too! Me too! I want a fluffy teddy bear
just like Alan's! And I also want....well, I don't know what I want.
All the good ideas have already been taken.
A: *giving a certain trio of
'writers' the evil eye* Sooo, can I do anything to help...with
ALAN's series?
AD: How kind of you to ask! Just send $100 to...
Just kidding. The only thing I'm looking for (besides a TV or movie deal
and feedback) is an animation of an Excelsior-class starship doing a
fly-by or something. If anyone knows where I can get one, please let me
know at cmdrajd@aol.com.
A: Here...I've a question for Maija.
*shuffling cards* I've a reader who
wants to know how you do all that technobabble.
MM: Maija has a technobabble program on her
computer that randomly spits out Trekish phrases. No, while that would
be a nifty, if useless program, Maija does something completely
different. She makes a lot of it up. Some of it is borrowed from TV
Trek...and there is even a little bit of *gasp* real science mixed in
there too, although she dares you to find it. A virtual gold star if you
do. However, the great majority is, well, babble.
A: Tell us this, Anthony: How many
pets DOES Counselor Peterman have?
AB: Well, let's see. There's Charlie, of course,
Fritz the kitten, Jonesy the llama, Ozzie the osprey, Skip the jackal,
Carnie the puma, little Squirt the baby chimp...those two adorable
pomeranians Boomer and Starbuck...how many does that make?
A: Uh, nine.
AB: Okay, those we keep in the back room. Now the
rest are in the kennel in the arboretum...those are the really messy
ones...
A: Forget I asked.
AB: Done and done.
A: Brad, a technical question for you. One
reader would like to know "Why is it that, when I try loading the Banshee
webpage, it sometimes comes up as an error message or, when it does come
up, have missing images?"
BD: Because the server that my webpage is located
is extremely busy, it has a hard time coping with too many hits. As a
result, some pages are only partially loaded (or not loaded at all) to
relieve stress on the server. If the page doesn't load, hit
Reload/Refresh and it should come up (though not always the first time).
For missing images, go to the torn image icon and click-hold/right click
to get a contexual menu and select "Open Image." Once again, this might
take a few tries, but it should load everything. I hope that these
problems won't last much longer, but if they do I will most likely end up
moving the page.
A: Let us move on. Alan, are those Bugle Boy
jeans you're
wearing?
AD: Why yes they are. Thank you for noticing.
AB: *inturrupting*
Did you know that under my clothes I'm completely....
A: *AHEM* Well, folks, that is all we've time for today. If you've solved the mystery of the Star Traks allure, all the more power to you...I know I still don't have a clue. *waves distractedly at the four to stop making faces at the camera and trying to give him bunny ears* Join us next week when we hear from experts about the secret of missing socks and breeding coathangers.
The Star Traks F.A.Q. was last updated 3/3/99.
Anything else you think should be on here? Do you have any other burning
questions?
Send them to Alan Decker
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