The Captain's Ranty Room

The following is the opinion of Captain Andy Baxter and does
not reflect the opinions of this website or of Anthony Butler.
Copyright 1998.



"Catchphrases A-plenty"

By Andy Baxter



It's come to my attention lately that every captain has their own
catchphrase but me.  Picard has that "make it so" crap.  Janeway
says "get off my ship," Rydell says "not a problem," Beck keeps 
saying "oh, hell," and Captain Vorezze says "bitchin'."  Sisko 
really doesn't have a catchphrase, but he does sort of have a way
of saying overdramatic stuff like "looks like we're going to see how 
much of a beating this ship can take" and "blowing up the worm-
hole has always been a. . .final. . .option."  Yeah, Ben, whatever!

Anyway, what's my point?  My point is, I'd like a catchphrase.
For a while, I tried "hop to it," but the crew shot that one down
pretty quick. I say "For Pete's sake" a lot, but so does everyone
else.  I'm fond of saying "status report," or "what's the
status on the planet down there?" or "Mirk, what's the status on
my hamburger."  I just think the word "status" makes me sound 
cool.  So what do I do?  It's really too late for me to come up with
something now, isn't it?  Anyway, all those other Starfleet captains 
have gone and taken the good ones.  What's left for me, anyway?  
"Let's go get 'em?" or "We're number one?" or "May the force be 
with you?" or "Simply the best?"  Nope, no good catchphrases left.

So what, though?  I'm still a GOOD Captain.  I think.  I'm at least
as good as those other guys, I just don't have a cool catchphrase
to say all the time.  At any rate, how about you all stop bugging
me about the catchphrases and I'll just keep commanding the 
Explorer competently, or at least semi-competently and you 
can keep enjoying it.  Okay?

Okay.  Until next time...HAVE A NICE DAY!

(How about that one?)