The following is the opinion of Captain Andy Baxter and does not reflect the opinions of this website or of Anthony Butler. Copyright 1998. The Captain's Ranty Room Rant #2 "What Do You Mean I Can't Beam Down?" By Andy Baxter The other day we came across a planet with spectacular grapefruit- like plants plentiful all over the southern hemisphere. I guess I should back up for a moment and explain that I REALLY like grapefruit. I'm not much of a fruit man, but personally I think grapefruit is the tri-cobalt bomb! I don't care how it's served--fresh, sliced, in sections, as jelly, juice, maranade, marmalade, sauce, or what have you. The Yridians do this thing where they make it into a powder and spread it in the air, and you just walk through sniffing, inhaling the bitter molecules into every orifice...anyway, I digress... The point is, I really like grapefruit. And the thought of trying an exotic new type of grapefruit really appealed to me. I mean, that's what being an explorer is all about anyway, trying new things. Right? So I tell Commander Conway to take the conn, that I'm beaming down with a big cargo container and loading it up. But NO! He stops me before I hit the turbolift with this "Captains can't beam down on the first away team" crap. What a load of bull! Apparently, someone at Starfleet decided that captains shouldn't be put in peril if their First Officer can go along instead. Now don't get me wrong, normally I'd be all to happy to oblige. But this is grapefruit we're talking about, right? So I tell Conway to shove it and continue toward the turblift. Well, he starts quoting about regs and how he can do all these unpleasant things to me if I beam down to that planet without letting him go first. Honestly, he doesn't care that much about my safety. He was just ticked on that particular day because I'd beaten him at domjat in Mirk's a few days earlier. So this was his petty little way of getting revenge. Since when can people override the captain when he has his mind set on something important, like grapefruit? And while we're on that subject, what's this I hear about counselors and doctors being able to override the captain TOO? Why have a supreme authority on a starship if all these people can push him around and tell him what to do when all he wants is an exotic aromatic sweet juicy grapefruit? What gives? I think things were better in Kirk's days when the captain seduce crewmembers left and right and lead away teams with gusto. Let's bring back those bygone days and inaugurate a new era of grapefruit enjoyment before we lose all the ideals that Starfleet holds dear. I mean, really. Imagine if Counselor Peterman was able to take the ship over. She'd have us taking in every stray alien animal... and sentient, come to think of it, that we ran into. And BROWNING in command? The replicators would run out of power on day two. Nope, bad idea. There's a reason we have captains. They're the ones who have the cahones to make the big decisions, and they don't need girlfriends and chief doctors and whiny First Officer's around telling them what to do. Captain's Rant, supplemental: I did get down to the planet, eventually. And thank goodness Conway convinced me to take him and J'hana along. Turns out the grapefruits are acidic enough to erode right through a normal human digestive system. As you might imagine, J'hana can't get enough of them.