(sung to the tune of 'Walking on the Sun' (just the chorus) by Smash Mouth) So don't copy this it was written by Ryan Byrne Star Trek is Viacom's allow if your still a fan (from reading the first two pieces of crap i wrote) know this Star Traks belongs to Alan Decker

Author: Ryan Byrne
Copyright: 2002

Star Traks: Starfleet Academy

“A Shameless Ploy To Sap Off Of The Popularity Of Other Star Trek Characters”

by Ryan Byrne

Jean LaRue sat against a tree reading. It was an extremly warm San Fransisco afternoon, so warm in fact that Jean had taken the top of his uniform off and wore a muscle shirt. Luckily he had no more classes today so he could properly relax. The book he was readin was one of a hundred old-fashioned paper books of Captain Kirks autobiography. His brow furrowed in trying to understand the illogical approach to command he took. He broke every regulation in the book and still considered one of the best commanders ever.

“Get off of my lawn!” he heard a shrill old voice call, “Hooligan!”

“Hello Boothby.” he said without looking up, “How’s it going?”

“How’s it going? Get off of my lawn.”

“Lawn? Oh, sorry ‘bout that.” Jean stood up and brushed a little dirt off of his pants, “I was a little occupied.”

“I can see that,” Boothby replied looking at the book, “Why are you so interested in Jim Kirks life?”

“Oh, I was trying to learn about his command style.” he said sheepishly.

"”Why may that be?”

“I’m not doing to well in my command courses, and all I want to be is a captain.”

“Well……” Boothby started, “Jim Kirk was a good commander, but his style would never work today.”

“I disagree.”

“THAT DOES IT! I am sick of you BRATS ruining my lawn then asking my advice! With imbeciles like you around I’m surprised the Dominion hasn’t conquered us yet. I’M OUTTA HERE!” He put on his hat and stalked off of the campus.

“oops.” he said under his breath. “He’s a bit tempremental”


Jean LaRue walked into the emergency assembly and bumped into Taki. “Oh hi.” he said, “What’s this about?”

“I don’t know.”

The dean of StarFleet Academy (an admiral) stood up to the podium, “Cadets we are in serious danger.” she had a grim look on her face, “Boothby has quit.” “OH MY GOD!” a cadet yelled and jumped out the window. “My bad.” Thib called out, “I lost control.”

“Anyway, Boothby has been an advisor to me, Admiral Hoho, who is in charge of earth security, and the president. How do we get him back?”

“Hoho is protecting Earth? hehehehehehe.” Taki whispered to Jean.

Jean called out: “The person who made him quit should try, along with his quadmates.”

“Good idea,” the admiral beamed, “So who did it?”

“I did.” Jean raised his hand.

The admiral turned cold, “THEN HURRY UP! DISMISSED.” “Oh wait, the Breen bombarded StarFleet Command, yada, yada, Cardassians rebelling, blah, blah, that’s all, DISMISSED!”

“You volunteered us?” Taki asked.


“Tama won’t like it.”


“Can I do your uleogy?”


The five cadets walked up the row of houses, “Is this the place?” Alik asked. Jean looked at his datapad, “Yes it is.” Jean replied. “God, I can’t believe you volunteered us!” Tama hissed, “When we get back to the campus, I’ll kill you.” “Stuff it bitch.” Taki said to her. “What! I’ll kill you too.” “Try it.” Thib rubbed her temples, Oy, she thought, I’ll kill them all.

They rang the buzzer, “Enter.” a calm female voice stated. The cadets exchanged puzzled glances and entered. In Rhode Island, Herb Scuzzleman had a heart attack “Help me.” he told me, “Sorry, I have to tell my story.” “Help meee….eee….ee.”

The cadets looked in and saw three people sitting at a table, Q, a black woman with a stupid hat and a dark man in a StarFleet uniform. “He’ll be out in a moment.” The black woman stated, “I’m Guinan.” Q looked up, “I’m Q.” The other man looked up and in a booming voice announced, “I AM THE PROPHET OF THE EMMISARY.”

Taki jumped. “POFT, don’t scare the children.” Guinan said. “Heheheheheheheheeeeee.” POFT said. Taki walked up to the Prophet and began to bow deep, “Look kid I’m here for a game of poker, not some Temple hour. So don’t bow.” “Yes sir, sorry sir.” Taki walked away.

“Why are you here to see Boothby?” Q asked.

“He quit and we were forced to get him back.” Tama said.

A large noise followed by some grunting and flush filled the house. “God, I should sue Taco Bell, stupid burritos.” he walked in and saw the faces of the other poker buddies and at the Cadets. “What are you doing here? And whats wrong?”

“Boothby,” Guinan started, “You quit the Academy, you’re out of the union. C’mon guys lets go see if the Caretakers race wants to enter.” A flash and they were gone.

“WHY YOU LITTLE!” Boothby yelled and be gan to strangle Jean. Thib asked “What union?”

“Oh, it’s a union of super beings who help you clueless bastard Federations.”

Tami nudged Boothby, “Strangle Jean some more.”

“UNION!?! If you’re listening to me I’ll return to the Academy.”

The beings appeared again, “Ok, deal the cards.”

“Thats IT!?! No battles?.” Jean yelled, than thought, “Wait a minute thats better than usual.” he continued, “What’s with that hat Guinan?”

“Pirated cable.”

“Oh, I see you’re going for the straight flush.” Thib stated





Thats it now get out, because no where on you’re ticket does it say that you can sleep here. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

Tags: alternate