NOTE: Star Trek and all that's owned by Viacom is owned guessed it, Viacom. Alan Decker owns Star Traks. Next Frontier is mine, so there.

Author: Cory Parker
Copyright: 2002

Star Traks: Next Frontier

“Something For Nothing”

by Cory Parker

“Captain’s Log, Stardate 51457.8.or is it 51437.2? Anyways, the USS Haymaker is preparing to leave the Utopia Planitia fleetyards orbiting Mars and head to the Alpha Centauri system to transport a very important diplomat to Orion Prime. This is my first mission as the captain of the Haymaker, and hopefully, it will go very smoothly.”

Captain Bobby Halloway straightened his dress uniform and checked his hair for the last time. “God bless the foolish,” he sighed as he walked out of his home. He locked the door and stepped out into the streets of Los Angeles. Night was beginning to fall, and the sky was lit up with the early evening traffic. “Halloway to Mockingbird. Beam me up,” he said as he tapped his comm badge. “Affirmative, Captain.” Bobby cracked a slight smile as the view of his hometown shimmered away and was replaced by the interior of a runabout. Sitting in the pilot’s seat was a young woman. She turned and threw a smile at Halloway. He returned the gesture and sat down beside her in the co-pilot’s chair. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Captain Halloway. I’m Lt. Jenna Benn, head conn officer aboard the USS Haymaker.” “Likewise, Lieutenant. Tell me, are you joined?” “I see that you noticed the spots. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am joined, with the Benn symbiont. I’m the 13th host, I might add.” “Very interesting, Miss Benn. Take us to the Haymaker, full impulse.” “Aye sir.” The Trill punched in the destination and the runabout sped away from Earth and towards Mars. “I’m getting something to drink, you want anything?” asked Bobby as he got up and headed for the replicator in the back. “No thank you, Captain.” Halloway shrugged and ordered a cup of coffee. He returned to his seat and sat back down. A loud farting noise echoed through the tiny vessel. He lifted his butt up enough to reach underneath him and pull out a whoopee cushion. Lt. Benn tried to stifle her amusement, but she soon erupted into a cascade of laughter. Bobby simply tossed the cushion on the ground and wisely said nothing.

“Sir, the captain’s runabout has docked,” reported the tactical officer. Admiral Jack Crane raised out of the captain’s chair and turned. “Inform him that I am waiting for him in his ready room. There are some.things that I need to discuss with him before the reception.” The gray-haired admiral then left the bridge. The tactical officer sighed and scratched one of his leathery wings with his right claw. “Boy, Gabriel, I’ll be glad to get rid of him. Anybody’s an improvement over Admiral Numnuts over there,” muttered the female Chief of Operations, Lt. Comm. Kerry Halvox. Gabriel simply nodded in agreement and continued to monitor his station. A few minutes later, Halloway entered the bridge, followed by Lt. Benn, who took her station at the helm. “Sir,” said Gabriel, “Admiral Crane is in your ready room.” Bobby smiled at the strange-looking creature. “Thanks, Lt.” Bobby kept his smile until his back was to the crew. ‘Admiral Crane, great, just great.’ he thought as his smile reappeared on his face as he entered his ready room. Crane was seated in Halloway’s chair, reading a PADD. He noticed Halloway and stood. “Nice to see you again, Admiral.” “Likewise, Captain. Welcome aboard the USS Haymaker. The formal reception is in two hours, in the mess hall, but I just wanted to tell you a few things first.”

‘Here it comes.’ thought Bobby. “First of all, as captain of this vessel, you are responsible for the ship and it’s crew. If anything happens to anybody or anything, you’ll be hearing from me. Second, Starfleet has allowed me to direct what important missions this ship will be taking. And third,” Crane’s voice dropped as he glared at Halloway. “If I ever catch you with my daughter again, you’ll wish that you had never joined Starfleet. Got it?” “Yes, sir.” Halloway tried not to smile. “Is there anything else?” “That’s all, Captain. I’ll see you in the mess hall, in two hours.” With that, the admiral walked out of Bobby’s ready room, leaving the new captain to contemplate what he was getting himself into.

“Good evening, members of Starfleet. We are gathered here tonight to send this fine vessel on its way into the cosmos, seeking out new life, and new civilizations. As Starfleet officers, we must be prepared to take.” Crane’s voice droned on as Bobby quickly lost interest and glanced out at his senior staff. In the first row, there was a beautiful female commander seated on the corner, discreetly checking her makeup. Next to her were the ops officer and the gargoyle-like tactical chief, Gabriel. In the middle of the row sat the chief medical officer, Dr. Scott Clinton. He appeared to be enjoying the speech as much as Bobby was. Beside him was the experimental engineering hologram, whispering to the young ensign scientist to the holograms’ left. Ending the row was the Trill pilot he had met earlier, Jenna Benn. “And with that being said, I now turn over command of the USS Haymaker to Captain Bobby Halloway. Captain?” Bobby stood and approached the smiling admiral. He returned the grin and shook his hand. “Computer, transfer all command codes to Captain Bobby Halloway, authorization Crane-Delta-8-8-3.” “Command codes transferred. Captain Bobby Halloway is now in command of the USS Haymaker,” said the computer. The entire room stood and clapped as Halloway began to shake the senior staff’s hands. Music began playing as Halloway finished shaking the last hand. The crew scattered and began to chat amongst themselves as the reception drove into the night.

Halloway sighed as he entered his ready room. He was dead tired from the reception in the mess hall. The admirals were always the last to leave, especially Crane, who was the last person to leave just to make sure that Halloway stayed up late. “Just Crane’s way of rubbing it in, I guess,” said Bobby as he thought of the Admiral’s young daughter. Such a sweet girl, it was a shame that her father arrived home early. Otherwise, she and Bobby would have.The doorbell brought Halloway back to reality. “Enter,” invited the captain. “Yes, Commander?” Bobby’s first officer walked up to his desk and placed a PADD on his desk. “The mission details are in this brief, Captain. I just thought that you would enjoy studying up before we left.” Bobby grabbed the PADD and glanced through it. Commander Rachel LaCroix waited patiently. Her crooked smile only added to her goddess-like beauty. Bobby nodded and placed the PADD back down. “Thank you, Commander. Is there anything else?” Rachel put on her most seductive grin and leaned over his desk. “Well, I was just thinking that perhaps we could get together sometime and.discuss my career options.” Bobby looked straight into those puppy-dog eyes and smiled. “I don’t think so, Miss LaCroix. Good night,” he said as he turned to read. Rachel nodded and walked out. “Damn him.” she mumbled as she exited the bridge. Lt. Comm. Halvox glanced at her as she stepped into the turbolift, furious. “She tries waaaaaayyyy too hard, the hussy,” she mumbled as she manned her station.

Halloway smiled as he passed an attractive female ensign while on his way to the bridge. ‘I’d like to penetrate her shields.’ he thought as he entered the turbolift. “Hold that door!” yelled Ensign Blake Bannon as he ran through the hallway. “Thanks,” he said as he entered the ‘lift. “Good morning, Ensign,” greeted Halloway. “Do I know you?” asked Bannon, a look of puzzlement on his face. “I’m your captain. We met last night, at the reception.” “Oh, that’s right. I’m Blake Bannon,” “Science officer?” offered Halloway. “No, I’m the science officer. You’re the captain,” said Blake as the ‘lift doors opened. Bobby stared at the ensign as he went to his post, then shook his head. He took his seat. “Miss Benn?” “Yes, Captain?” asked the Trill conn officer. “Take us out.” “Aye sir.” The USS Haymaker sailed away from the shipyard and accelerated to warp speed, disappearing in a streak of light. A few minutes later, they arrived at Alpha Centauri and entered orbit. “Captain,” reported Lt. Comm. Gabriel, “we are receiving a hail from Ambassador Kenner.” “On screen.” An old man glared at Halloway from the viewscreen. “I’m Captain Bobby Halloway of the USS Hay.” “I know who you are. Hurry and pick me up! I don’t like to be kept waiting. Kenner out.” The old man’s face disappeared, replaced by a view of the planet. “What a grouch,” said Kerry. “It’s a wonder somebody hasn’t pushed him out an airlock already.” Halloway rolled his eyes. “Lt.,” he said to Halvox, “go to the transporter room and bring the ambassador up here. I’d like a little chat with him before we leave.” “Aye, cap.” With that, she left the bridge. Jenna Benn started giggling. “Something funny, Lt. Benn?” asked Halloway. “Speaking of grouches, two’s company,” she said just before she erupted into uncontrollable laughter. Rachel nodded and reapplied her lipstick. Bobby just sat there, shaking his head.

“Let’s get going, young’n! I ain’t got all day!” ranted Kenner in Bobby’s ready room. He had already decided that he was not going to like the ambassador at all. Kenner’s wrinkled face only added to his testy demeanor. “Ambassador, if you would just.” “Listen, boy! Get this hunk of junk going right now, or else I’ll relieve you of command!” threatened the old man, his hunched-over frame quivering with anger. “Fine, fine. Lt. Halvox will escort you to your quarters.” “They had better be satisfactory, or else I’m putting you on report!” said Kenner as he left. Bobby rubbed his forehead and sat down to read some reports. A half-hour later, his communicator beeped. “Halloway here.” “This is Chief Monty down in Engineering. Engines are running fine and dandy, fearless leader! We’ll be there before you can sing the ‘Lumberjack Song’, in German, no less.” “The what.??? Never mind. Thanks for the update, Chief.” “Why, soitenly! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!!!” finished the hologram as he broke the conversation. Bobby rubbed his head. Admiral Crane must be laughing his head off by now. Suddenly, the red alert klaxons sounded. Halloway rushed to the bridge. “Status report!” he ordered as he took his seat. “We’ve been attacked by five unknown vessels,” reported LaCroix. “Direct hit to the warp engines! We’re dropping to impulse!” said Gabriel. The ship rocked. “Shields down to 80%.” “Commander, find out what kind of ships those are. Benn, evasive pattern Gamma. Gabriel, return fire.” The officers set off to get at their assigned tasks when the lights went out. “What the hell.!?!” “Hey, Captain! They hit one of the main reactors, shields are gone! Backup batteries coming online!” said Monty through the comm. The lights flickered back on. “Intruder alert on all decks!” said Gabriel. Suddenly, seven men materialized on the bridge, all wielding phaser rifles. “Suggestions,” said Bobby to Rachel softly. “We’re screwed,” she offered as she raised up her hands. One of the terrorists stepped forward. He was middle-aged, nearly bald, and had a patch over his right eye. He stood as tall as Bobby as they met eye-to-eye. “I am Hann B’Trix, member of the Orion Syndicate, and we are stealing your vessel, captain.???” “Halloway.” “Captain Halloway, if you all would be so kind as to follow my men to the brig, it would be much obliged.” B’Trix grinned and waved the bridge crew into the turbolift with his rifle. With the entire senior staff in the ‘lift, it was a bit of a tight squeeze. “Hey, Gabe, you’re stepping on my toes, you overgrown Halloween decoration!” yelled Kerry. “Who were those people?” asked Bannon. “Bad men, Mr. Bannon,” responded LaCroix. “Well, I’m sorry, I was just asking. You don’t have to insult me.” The crew was led into the brig, and were all placed in a single cell, where they found Dr. Clinton sitting on the only bed. “Hello, Captain,” greeted the doctor. “Nice to see you again.” “Doctor,” returned Bobby. The crew watched as another person was pushed into their cell: Ambassador Kenner. “Halloway!!!” yelled the old man as he got in the captain’s faces. “What is the meaning of this??? You can’t even keep control of your own ship! Once we get out of here, mister, the first thing I’m gonna do.” The ambassador’s rant was cut short when Lt. Halvox stormed up to him and grabbed his shirt. The old man’s feet were now dangling off the ground as Halvox held him up with one hand. “Listen, you little troll, and listen good. If you don’t shut up right now, I will PERSONALLY break every bone in that decrepit body of yours! Do you understand???” Kenner stared silently as Kerry dropped him and headed off into a corner to sulk. “And another thing, Halloway, the conduct of your officers is appalling!!!” he said, even louder than before. “That’s it!” screamed Halvox as she dashed at the ambassador. Gabriel had to hold her back. “Permission to introduce the ambassador to the bottom of my foot!” yelled Halvox. Bobby was tempted to let her, but restrained. “Denied, Lt. As you were,” he said. “Hrumph!” said Kenner. Halloway struggled to retain his composure. “Options, people.” “I’ve got an idea,” said Ensign Bannon. “Yes?” “Yes, what?” he asked. “What’s your idea?” “Idea??? Oh, I remember. What about the chief? Since he’s just a hologram, the terrorists probably overlooked him.” Halloway snapped his fingers. “Brilliant! Great thinking, Bannon!” “Huh? What did I do?” Halloway ignored the last remark and turned to LaCroix. “Commander, we need you to get the guards to take you out of the cell so you can activate the EEH.” “And how do you propose I do that?” she asked. Halloway explained the plan to the crew. “It will never work! Of all the hair-brained ideas, this one takes the cake!” said Kenner in contempt. Kerry glared at the ambassador, but kept her cool. Kenner continued to rant at Halloway. “And another thing, I.ohhhhh.” Kenner fell to the floor as Lt. Benn knocked him in the back of the head with her hand. The rest just stared at her in disbelief. “We’ll just say the terrorists did it,” she offered with a grin. After a moment of silence, the others agreed and began their plan.

“Owwww!! Owwww!!” yelled Rachel as she limped around the cell. The guard didn’t notice, in fact, he was asleep. “OWWWW!!” she yelled louder. The guard mumbled something in his sleep and wiped the drool off of his chin. Rachel stopped limping and stared at the guard. “I’M HURT HERE! OW, OW, OW!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. The guard darted up and looked around in confusion. “What’s going on?” he asked. Rachel put on her ‘Help me, I’m helpless,’ face and fell softly to the floor. Scott ran over to her and checked her. “She’s sprained her ankle,” reported the doctor. “Is that all?” asked the guard. “Just a sprained ankle?” “Are you a doctor?? Sprained ankles, when left untreated, can be very dangerous and possible deadly!” “You have to be kidding!” responded the guard. He burst out laughing. “A sprained ankle? That’s the best you could think of?” whispered Halloway in annoyance. Scott just shrugged. The guard continued to laugh while Scott thought furiously. Suddenly, he got an idea. He grabbed a hairpin from LaCroix’s hair and jabbed her hard in her side. She screamed with pain, as well as surprise. Her eyes bulged out as she glared at the doctor. The guard ceased laughing and looked at Rachel. “I think that the fall caused her to rupture her appendix,” said Scott as he jabbed the hairpin back in where the guard couldn’t see. LaCroix screamed again. “This woman needs a medkit, NOW!” The guard nodded and left to get one. He returned and stood outside the cell. “Well, drop the forcefield and get in here!” “Nope, she can come out here.” “Fine, fine, but just hurry!” The guard nervously dropped the forcefield and dragged LaCroix out and quickly reactivated it. While his back was turned, Rachel got to her feet and knocked out the guard. She quickly deactivated the forcefield. The crew exited the tiny cell. “Good work, Commander. And you too, Doctor,” said Halloway with a smile. “Don’t you EVER do that again!!!” yelled LaCroix as she hit Scott. The doctor tried to block her blows as she continued to pound on him. “Computer, activate EEH at this location,” ordered Halloway. Monty shimmered into existence before him. “Good evening, ladies and germs! What can I do ya for?” smiled the hologram. “Chief, you need to disable the warp engines as well as the weapons before the terrorists find out what you’re doing.” “Aye, aye. Computer, transfer my program to Engineering, section 3-b,” ordered the hologram. Monty waved to Halloway as he shimmered away. The captain then turned to his crew. “All right, people. Let’s get my ship back.”

Monty reappeared in the upper lever of Main Engineering. He immediately ducked behind a large console as two terrorists walked by, wielding phasers. Once they had left, the hologram started to shut down the weapons array using his access code. No alarms went off, so he continued. “Freeze.” Monty turned to see one of the terrorists pointing his rifle at him. “Don’t move.” Monty’s eyes darted around the room. He raised his left hand and started snapping his fingers. “Hey, look, over here! Look, see?” said Monty as the terrorist glanced over at the fingers for a split second. That was all that was needed for the hologram to connect with a very solid right cross. The man fell like a sack of bricks, knocked out cold. Monty grinned and worked on shutting down the warp core. “Works every time.” Suddenly, a phaser beam shot by his head. Monty jumped over the console just in time to avoid getting hit by another blast. “Computer, change my form to projected light only, except for my hands.” The computer beeped in response as the engineer became intangible. He then walked around to the front of the console and got back to work as the terrorist’s weapons passed through him.

Commander LaCroix fired her phaser down the corridor, hitting a terrorist and stunning him. Halloway stood beside her, and fired at another terrorist, squarely hitting him in the chest. The rest of the crew followed behind them as they made their way to the turbolift. “The doors don’t work,” observed Halloway. “They must be on to us. LaCroix, take Halvox and Clinton and help secure Main Engineering. Gabriel, Benn, Bannon, you’re with me,” ordered Halloway. LaCroix nodded as her group headed back down the corridor. Halloway looked around for an access port, and, upon finding it, opened it and motioned the rest through.

Hann B’Trix sat comfortably in the captain’s chair, sipping a double mocha latte as he watched the stars streak by on the viewscreen. Mozart’s Moonlight Sonata floated through the bridge. Several other Syndicate members were monitoring different stations. “Mmmm.quite delicious,” remarked B’Trix. “A little skimpy on the steamed milk, but still very good.” “Sir, we have reports of weapons fire on Deck 4,” reported one of the Orions. “Halloway,” glared B’Trix. “Send a team to put them back where they belong. Shoot to kill.” The Orion nodded and tried to enter the turbolift. “The door’s jammed.” “What? B’Trix to Engineering. What the hell is going on down there?” Phaser fire could be heard through the comm. “We’ve got a problem, sir. The main engineer has shut off partial power to the ship.” “Shoot him, then!” “Well, sir, we can’t seem to hit him. All our shots pass right through. He appears to be a hologram.” “Well, then deactivate his program!” shouted B’Trix. “Aye, sir. Engineering out.” B’Trix sighed loudly and armed himself. “If there’s one constant in the universe, it’s that a heist never goes as planned.”

“Almost there.” Monty was almost finished shutting down the warp core as one of the terrorists walked up behind him. “If you’re up here to try and stop me, don’t even bother,” said the hologram without turning. “Actually, I think that I will.” With that, the terrorist aimed at the ceiling and destroyed the hologrid above the control console. Monty’s form began to flicker and disappear. He quickly moved out of the space of the destroyed hologrid and returned to normal. The terrorist smiled smugly. “Hey, what did one fist say to the other?” asked Monty as he punched his face. The terrorist fell to the ground. “I’m glad to ‘beat’ ya! Oh, what a bad pun!” Monty then grabbed the terrorist’s phaser and started shooting at the other Orions.

Halloway and his team continued climbing the ladder towards the bridge. “Almost there.” mumbled Bobby as they passed through another deck. “Captain, it is quite possible that these terrorists have placed forcefields around the bridge in order to protect it from invasion,” said Gabriel. “I know, Lt. Gabriel. If they’re up, we’ll have Monty deactivate them. If they’re not, then we take back the ship.” “Where are we going again?” asked Ensign Bannon, as he halted his climb. Lt. Benn almost ran into the bottom of his feet. “Keep moving, Bannon!” yelled the Trill. “Oh, okay.” The science officer began going back down the ladder. “Wrong way, Ensign.” “Oops, sorry,” said Blake as he started to go back up the ladder again. Soon the team was on Deck 1. “This access port opens up into my ready room. Once inside, Gabriel will lead the rush onto the bridge.” Halloway then grabbed the port controls, only to be blocked by a forcefield. “Never mind. Halloway to LaCroix,” said the captain as he tapped his comm badge. Phaser fire could be heard in the background. “We’re a little busy here, Captain.” “Are you at Main Engineering yet?” “Just outside of it. They’ve locked the door. It seems that our resident hologram has been attacking them from within, so to speak. We should get control of the area in a minute or two.” “Good. Once you do, deactivate the forcefield surrounding the bridge and free the rest of the crew.” “Aye sir. LaCroix out.” Halloway smiled and leaned against the wall. “Now we wait.”

Phaser beams soared through the air within Main Engineering. The shouts of men could be heard as they were uttered in frustration or anger. Chief Monty seemed to be enjoying the battle. “Tally ho! En guarde, touch,!” he said as he returned the terrorist’s fire. “LaCroix to Monty.” The hologram glanced down at his comm badge. “Monty here, Commander.” “Chief, we’re just outside Main Engineering. Tell us where the remaining terrorists are located.” “Hold on a sec.” Monty then glanced around Main Engineering. He saw three by the main entrance, two by the warp core, and another two in near the computer terminals. He relayed this to LaCroix. “Thanks. Now get the main doors open and we’ll give you a hand.” “Stand by.” The hologram walked to a terminal and commanded the computer to open the doors. They opened with a ‘swoosh’, allowing LaCroix, Lt. Halvox and Dr. Clinton to enter. Rachel took out the three by the door, as Scott ducked out of the way of a beam and stunned the two by the warp core. Kerry turned the corner and shot one of the remaining men. The other knocked the rifle from her hand and tried to hit her with a left jab. She grabbed the man’s shirt collar and head-butted him, not once, not twice, but four times before he fell to the ground, knocked out cold. Halvox wiped the sweat off of her brow and kicked the man once more for good measure. Monty materialized on the lower level beside LaCroix. “Welcome to my parlor, ladies and germs.” LaCroix threw a smile at the hologram. “Did you get the warp core shut down yet?” she asked. He shook his head. “One of those idiots destroyed the holoemitters surrounding the warp core control panels, I can’t get near them until they’re repaired.” “The captain needs you to shut down the forcefields surrounding the bridge,” said Halvox as she finished tying up the terrorists. Monty walked to the nearest control panel. “The Orions put an encryption code blocking computer access to the bridge. It’s rigged so that if you try to take it out without the proper access codes, every deck below the bridge, except for here, loses life support. The only way to bypass it safely is to shut down main power.” “Which means shutting down the core,” said Scott. “Right. I need somebody to shut it down for me.” “Doctor, help the chief. Halvox,” said LaCroix as she pointed at Kerry. “You’re with me.” The two women left Main Engineering and headed for the cargo bays. Clinton and Monty rode up to the upper level. Clinton walked up to the control panel while Monty observed. “So, what do I do?” asked the doctor nervously. “It’s simple. Just lower the matter-antimatter flow slowly until it becomes nominal. Once that occurs, you need to immediately close the injector ports. Just make sure that you cut back the flows slowly.” “Why?” “If you go too fast, you’ll blow up the ship.” Scott’s hands began to shake. “Are you okay, doc?” “Yes, I’ll be fine,” stammered Clinton. “Listen, doc, just think of it as one of your patients that you are operating on.” “Yeah, but most patients don’t kill me if I screw up.” Monty fell silent for a moment as Clinton stared nervously at the hologram. “Good point.”

LaCroix and Halvox had just finished freeing the rest of the crew when they got another call from Halloway. “Have you gotten the forcefields down yet?” he asked. “Monty’s working on it. He has to shut down the warp drive in order to bypass the fields,” reported the XO. “Any good news, then?” “We’ve freed the rest of the crew. They’ve taken up arms against the terrorists.” “Good. Call me back when you have rounded them all up. Halloway out.” “He’s rather impatient,” remarked Halvox. “Most men are. Come on, Lt., let’s get back to Engineering.” Kerry nodded as she followed Rachel back the way they came. Upon entering Main Engineering, they rode up to the upper level. “You can move faster, not that fast! There,, still too.NO, way too fast, slow it.there you go.wait, that’s still too.No, you don’t have to stop it.” yelled Monty as he watched Clinton try to shut down the core. “Having problems, Chief?” asked the commander. “Just me, Commander,” said the doctor as he continued shutting down the core. “Good thing Clinton’s a doctor and not an engineer. He nearly blew up the ship five times already.” Rachel’s eyes widened. “It’s no big deal, really,” stammered Scott as he continued the procedure. “Can’t the computer do it?” asked Halvox. “The geniuses at Starfleet Command built most of the computerized functions into me, so that I have to do them.” “That wasn’t very smart,” remarked LaCroix. “Tell me about it,” said Clinton. The panel started beeping as the warp core finally stopped. Scott took his shaking hands off of the console and walked over to Monty. “Don’t make me do that again,” he murmured as he fainted into his arms. Halvox rolled her eyes. LaCroix tapped her comm badge. “LaCroix to Halloway. Forcefields are down.”

“Sir, the warp core is off-line!” yelled one of the Orions. B’Trix stood and ran to the man’s post. “What do you mean, it’s off-line?” “It’s shut down from Engineering, sir.” “Well, start it back up again.” “I can’t from.” The man was cut off by the phaser beam that hit him. B’Trix turned to see Halloway wielding a hand phaser with a boyish grin.

“Hello, Mr. B’Trix. I’d like to have my ship back now, if you please,” said Bobby as he shot another one of terrorists. B’Trix grabbed his phaser and returned fire. Gabriel leaped at one of the criminals and threw him at the fleeing B’Trix, rendering both unconscious. Halloway tapped his communicator as the rest of his team rounded up the rest of the criminals on the bridge. “Halloway to LaCroix. We have retaken the bridge.” “Aye, sir. We’ll be up in a minute, once we restore main power.” “Affirmative. Tell Monty to get the engines back up and forget about disabling the weapons.” “Captain, a subspace message is being sent to the Orion ships that have been travelling with us,” said Gabriel. “Jam it, quickly. If they figure out that we’ve retaken the ship.” The Haymaker shuttered as the Syndicate ships opened fire. “Captain, the ships are attacking us,” reported Gabriel. “I figured that out, Lt. Return fire.” “Weapons are offline.” “What!?!” asked Halloway. “Halloway to Monty. Where the hell are my weapons?” “Sorry, Captain,” said Monty, “Weapons was the first thing I disabled.” The ship shook again. “How long till they are up again?” “3 minutes, 17 seconds. You’ll get warp drive in about 5. Sorry, Captain, but I DID completely shut down what you wanted me to. A cold start of the engine takes a little while. By the way, the turbolifts are back up.” As soon as he said that, Halvox and LaCroix exited the lift and took their stations. “Just get it done, Chief. Halloway out. Miss Benn, evasive maneuvers,” ordered Bobby. The conn officer nodded and executed the order. “Two more minutes until we have weapons,” reported Gabriel. “We’ll be toast by then,” said LaCroix as she tried to fix her hair. “Agreed. Halvox, you and Commander LaCroix get down to one of the cargo bays and rig as many probes as you can to explode when those ships get near them.” “Lay them like mines, eh Captain?” asked LaCroix. “Precisely.” Both women nodded and left the bridge. “Just when we get back, he sends us away again.” muttered Halvox as the turbolift doors closed. The ship shook again, causing the science station to explode. Bannon flew through the air and landed on the floor. “Ouch,” he mumbled as he got to his feet. Blood poured down from a gash in his head. “Mr. Bannon,” said Bobby as the ship shuttered again, “take yourself to Sickbay, that’s an order.” “Captain, I’m fine,” assured the ensign. He looked at the hand that he had covered the wound with and found fresh blood. “On second thought, maybe you’re right.” He then fainted dead away. Another ensign grabbed an emergency medkit and proceeded to help the fallen science officer. “One minute until weapons,” reported Gabriel. “LaCroix to Halloway, the mines are deployed.” The Haymaker shuttered again as the mines started to explode as the hit the Syndicate ships. “Shields are at 45%!” reported Gabriel. Jenna’s hands flew across the conn, causing the Haymaker to perform maneuvers that were not recommended in the Starfleet Driver’s Manual. “Weapons are back online! Opening fire!” said the tactical chief. “Two ships have been damaged, the rest have escaped.” Halloway stood and surveyed the damage. “They don’t make the Intrepid-class like they used to,” mumbled Halloway as he helped Bannon to his feet. LaCroix and Halvox exited the turbolift, looking a little worse for the wear. Halloway smiled and faced the viewscreen. ‘Maybe this crew won’t be so bad after all.” he pondered. “Monty to Captain! I have the engines back online now! We can now get away from those attacking ships!” Halvox glared at the ceiling and cursed under her breath. “Thanks, Chief. Any chance we can make good time to Orion?” “She’s at your command, oh fearless leader. Just have her back by midnight, or else you’re grounded for a month, got it?” “Got it, Chief. Miss Benn, if you please.?” “Aye, sir. Warp factor six.” Halloway sat back down in his chair and grinned slightly. “Engage.” The viewscreen remained still. “What the.!?!” “Oops. Hold on, captain,” said Monty through the comm system. The bridge crew waited in silence for a few seconds. “There, that should do it.” “Let’s try this again. Miss Be.” “Wait, wait, wait. That’s not supposed to go in.uh oh,” said Monty as he spoke to someone in Engineering. “NO! Not there! The other one, yes, that one right there! YES! Jeez, what do ya wanna do, blow up the ship??? Sheesh.” “Chief, we can still hear you,” said Halloway. “Whoops, sorry. Go ahead, warp factor six, go on. It should work.” “Should?” “I really don’t know,” said Monty, sounding annoyed. “Miss Benn, just go.” “Okie dokie.” The Haymaker accelerated to warp speed and headed towards Orion Prime.

The first thing that Ambassador Kenner saw was the face of Dr. Clinton bending over him, waving a medical tricorder around. “Wha.what happened?” he mumbled as he tried to get up. “What’s the last thing that you remember?” asked Captain Halloway, who was standing on the other side of the bed. “I was in the brig with you and your senior staff, and then somebody hit me on the back of the head. And then I woke up here,” said Kenner with a glassy stare. Halloway leaned over and whispered in Clinton’s ear. “He seems a little calmer. What did you give him?” “I thought that some ‘pain killers’ would help his recovery.” “What kind of pain killers?” Scott smiled evilly. “Don’t ask, Captain. It should wear off by the time we get to Orion Prime. Until then, he’ll be as happy as a puppy.” Halloway returned the smile. “Better living through medicine. Good thinking, Doctor.” Turning to the docile ambassador, Halloway grinned and helped the old man off of the biobed. “Ambassador, you are free to go,” said Clinton. Kenner smiled and waved. “Okay, doc. Bye.” The old man continued to wave as Halloway lead him out of sickbay. Clinton started whistling with a grin as he went and sat down at his desk.

Halloway, Clinton, and Halvox were standing in the transporter room, displaying false smiles to Ambassador Kenner as he stepped onto the transporter pad. “Goodbye, Ambassador. Hopefully, we won’t be seeing you for quite some time,” said Halloway. Kenner started laughing insanely. “That’s funny, Captain. That’s really funny. He he he he he.” Kenner continued laughing as he was beamed down to the surface of Orion Prime. “I won’t miss him,” stated Halvox as she turned to leave with the captain and the doctor. “Lt., next time we have a troublesome guest, remind me to send them Clinton’s way,” said Halloway with a grin. “Gladly.”

“Captain’s log, supplemental. After the attempted theft of the Haymaker by members of the Orion Syndicate, we have succeeded in dropping off our passenger. Hopefully, the Orions will treat him with the respect that he deserves. We have also turned Mr. B’Trix and his associates over to the authorities on Orion Prime. As for the crew, they performed beyond the call of duty and are to be commended for their work.”

“Personal log. Damn Crane for sending us that ambassador. My first mission as a captain and Crane has to give us that annoying man to deal with, not to mention the abduction of my ship by Orion pirates. Who knows what else he’ll send my way.”


Admiral Jack Crane sat in his office in San Francisco, enjoying the bright summer day. Birds were singing on an apple tree in the courtyard below. Sunbeams poured through the open doors to his balcony, and a warm wind floated softly through the air. He listened toss music while he filled out his paperwork. The beeping of his computer screen interrupted the admiral’s peacefulness. He was receiving a call from Starfleet Command. “On screen,” ordered the admiral. “Admiral Crane, disturbing news has reached the Federation. The Jyinion Assembly, located on our farthest borders, has collapsed. Strife and discord have ravaged the region. Since this space is largely unexplored by the Federation, we need a ship to establish a presence there, at least temporarily. Preliminary reports suggest that the region is extremely hostile and should be handled by our top personnel. All of our top personnel, however, are busy at the moment. So, we need a ship to ‘brave the waters’ so that more ‘experienced’ officers can arrive later and take command.” “In other words, we need a guinea pig.” “Um, yes. Now, Admiral, there is a good chance that whoever the poor souls that we send there are going to go through hell, so we need a ship that won’t be missed too much.” Crane leaned back in his chair and smiled. “I believe that I have just the ship for the job.”

Will the crew of the USS Haymaker be sent to almost certain death? Will the Haymaker survive the trip?? Will Captain Halloway ever get some ‘action’??? Tune in next time, for the continuing adventures of the USS Haymaker! Same dysfunctional time, same dysfunctional website!

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