For 10 points, who owns Star Trek? Paramount! For another 10 points, who owns Star Traks? Alan Decker! For 30 points and to win the game, who owns The Rediscovered Country? Me!

Author: Ronan Stafford
Copyright: 2000

Star Traks: The Rediscovered Country

“Broken Arrow”

by Ronan Stafford

Location: Broken Arrow field, Farmer Johns farm, Hilton head, South Carolina Time: 9:47

The ship was a smoking wreck. Crops around it were on fire, but Klang knew he must survive. He climbed out of his ship, and around his saw a large field of crops. Then he heard another ship landing. Suliban. He got up and ran for all he was worth. He found a large circular structure, a mill or storage building of some sort. He got in and pushed the door closed. He could hear the two genetically enhanced Suliban soldiers running behind him. He ran up the stairs, knowing that the door wouldn’t hold up for long. He heard the door clicked. They were in. He found a window and jumped out. By pure chance, outside the window he had jumped out there was a barrel on its side, with a plank on top, like a catapult. Luckily for Klang there was a box full on grenades on the end of the catapult, so when Klang landed on it, it sent them flying through the window. Klang ran, and jumped when the building behind him exploded. He thought he was safe when a weird humanoid came up to him, shouting something in a weird language. Klang tried to talk back.

“Ke’tch fojal y’jokach!” The man didn’t understand him, so he took a large stick and hit Klang in the head with it. Klang went unconscious, and drifted into sleep.

“You want me to what?”

“Look Corn…”

“Don’t you Corn me Admiral.”

“Look McAllister. It’s an easy mission. You pick up the passenger, take him to Qo’nos and deliver the passenger to the Klingons. Simple.”

“Passenger? It isn’t even a passenger. It’s a targ. A klingon pig. The Secondprize is not a luxury cruiser for farmyard pets!”

“It’s the Chancellors favourite targ!”

“I don’t care if it can sing and dance like Barney the Dinosaur, I’m not a cab driver!”

Admiral Wagner shook his head. “Take this mission or leave the ship. I’m sure we can find another Captain for the Secondprize.” McAllister’s face went white and he hung his head. He knew when he was beaten. “Your passenger is aboard the Earth freighter ‘Mindless Sparrow’, proceed to these co-ordinates to pick it up.”

“Ok I’ll do it. But come Halloween I shall have my revenge. I got a box of eggs ready for your office.” McAllister then stormed out of Admiral Wagner’s office before he could reply and headed to docking pylon 5, where the Secondprize was docked at Earth Space dock. He went through the airlock and onto Deck 3. He got into a turbolift and seconds later he was at the bridge.

“Stop sulking.” T’Pal looked up from the science station, where she was helping Ensign Harrison carry out some tests on the new equipment they got.

“I’m not sulking.” McAllister went down to the command area and flopped into his chair. “Are we ready to leave?” Ensign Raine at the helm turned to him and answered.

“Yes sir. Warp core and fusion reactors are online, docking clamps released.”

“Ok. Take us out, 1/4 impulse. When we get free of the station head for these co-ordinates,” he walked over to the console and tapped a few numbers.” And take us there at Warp 3. T’Pal, you have the conn. Mr Gardner, you and I are going to do some redecorating to the VIP quarters.” Gardner secured his station and walked out behind McAllister.

“Oh Goody.”

Things were not going well in Engineering.

“What do you think you’re doing? The Hemfler-Babble flow is all wrong! Fix it now. You, help him. I said push the big red button, not the small pink one! You call that a spanner? Now that is a spanner!” Commander John La Force had just joined the Secondprize as the Chief Engineer. Now he wished he’d stayed at his apartment at Cambridge University. The console next to him beeped.

“McAllister to La Force, I need you in the VIP quarters on the double. McAllister out.” And he was gone before La Force could complain. He sighed, grabbed a tool kit and ran out.

“Ok Gardner, this is the situation.” McAllister stood in the middle of the VIP quarters. “We’ve got a special passenger coming, and we’ve got to make these quarters ready for it.”

“Who’s the passenger?”

“A targ.”

“A what?” Gardner was confused. Hadn’t the captain said a passenger?

“A targ. A klingon mammal of the porcine family. The Chancellors favourite. So to prepare for it were going to have to move all the expensive furniture to my Quarters and build some stuff for Klang the targ. Ok?”

“Aye sir.” Gardner was confused, but he moved to the task quickly. A few minutes later Commander La Force ran in.

“What is it, I don’t have all the time in the world ya’know!”

“Yes, we do know. We need to cover the whole of the floor with soil, or hay or old newspapers or something. For when out passenger needs to go to the little targ’s room.”

“Can’t the passenger just use a toilet?”

“Well, you might not believe this but the passenger is a targ. A klingon pig.”

“Next time I just won’t ask. When do you want it done for?”

“Next 5 minutes would be good.”

“Ok. I’ll be back in a few hours. See ya!” And with that he was gone. Several hours later the room was clear. The new floor was laid out and trees and balls and toys were put in for the Targs amusement. Meanwhile on the bridge people were getting board. When they arrived at co-ordinates they found an old Earth freighter.

“Hail the ‘Mindless Sparrow’.”

“Aye ma’am.” T’Pal turned to the screen. But the face that appeared was not the face of who she was expecting.


“Yes! And we have targ-napped Klang! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” And before the Suliban on the screen could finish his evil laugh they cut the connection, and headed back to their home space at Warp 2. T’Pal was quick to react.

“Follow them, Warp 4!” At the helm Ensign Raine pressed several buttons, but instead of going to warp there was a shake as the Warp Engines failed, and then went into reverse.

“Captain! We’re going at Warp 4, but we’re going backwards!”

“T’Pal to Engineering fix this now.” La Force’s voice came in over the intercom.

“Sure thing Ma’am”

In Engineering people were running about senseless. La Force told everyone to stop and gather round him.

“Ok people listen up. Game plan. Terry, get me some paper, some chewing gum and my trusty penknife, and don’t call me MacGyver. Crewman Leon, when I tell you re-align the technobabble matrix. The Captains gonna need some cool lines soon. Lt. Amber, coffee, milk and two sugars, on the double.”

On the bridge everything was tense. Raine was able to still navigate the ship a bit at these speeds, sending it left or right, but they still were not able to go forward. By this time McAllister had arrived on the bridge, but T’Pal refused to get out of the Captains chair, as their superior’s still hadn’t decided who was Captain of the ship. Luckily for them Lt.Cmdr Gardner had an idea.

“What would happen if we swung the ship around, with the nacelles first? That way we’ll be going backwards yet forwards.” The obese ginger-haired officer had a large smile on his face. He was happy with his plan.

McAllister just shrugged and ordered. “We don’t have anything to loose, so lets try it. Helm, swing us about, 180 degrees.” The ship turned round gracefully (well not really, they scraped the hull plating off a passing asteroid and flung some nameless Ensign across the bridge), and headed in the other direction. After 30 minutes of chasing they managed to catch up with the Earth freighter and their captured Targ.

“Hail them.” At communications Ensign Deer nodded, signalling the channel had been opened. “This is Captain T’Pal, you are ordered to surrender your vessel or we will blow you to kingdom come.” At this point Gardner aimed the ships weapons at the ‘Mindless Sparrow’ Then the intercom sounded. T’Pal gestured for Deer to close the channel, and then pressed a button on the chair.

“T’Pal here.”

“Engineering, this is La Force. We should start going forward right about now.”

“Thank you.”

“Captain, there getting away!” Gardner shouted from his console. “But that’s impossible, that ship can only reach Warp 2, we can go upto Warp 4.5, I don’t understand…”

McAllister stepped in. “I do, we’re going forwards now. As we moved the ship round instead of going backwards forwards, we’re going forwards backwards.” The crew stared at him in amazement.

“You what?”

“Come again?”

“Baking powder?”

“We’re going backwards. We’re facing the wrong way.”

“Damn, he’s right. Turn the ship around. This chase is getting boring.” The Secondprize turned around once more, and in a few minutes it was alongside the freighter once more. Now they were ready to take back their passenger.


“I suggest we take a shuttle pod over and take back the Targ by force.” Gardner was quick to suggest the violent option.

“Can’t do that, the stunt guys are having a day off.”

“The let’s just disable the ship from the outside, a couple torpedoes and its dead.”

“Nope, we’ve ran out of FX budget.” La Force who had come up from Engineering asked.

“Can I use the transporter? Pleeeeeeeaasseeeee? I’ve always wanted to transport a living thing. Pleeeeeeeaasseeeee?” McAllister wasn’t happy with this idea.

“Are you sure you can do it? And bring the Targ over alive?”


“You’ve got the go ahead. May the force be with you.”

“No more Star Wars jokes or I’ll beam you into space. Back to front!” The crew then went back to their respective stations, with McAllister pushing T’Pal out of the way and gaining the Captains chair.

“Are you ready Commander?”

“Yes sir.”

“Then do it.”

At the transporter room La Force pressed a few buttons, pulled a few levers, and when the transport started he started praying. Sparkling lines formed, and La Force heard the “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenn” sound of the system working. When it finally dematerialised his face went white. He hit his comnbadge and shouted. “Transporter room to Sickbay! Medical emergency!”

“Captains log, today 0700 hours. It’s been a weird few days around here. When Dr.Fawqin ran into the Transporter room he found a perfectly healthy Targ, and a Chief Engineer that had fainted. We quickly resumed course towards the Klingon homeworld, we’re we dropped off my new friend Klang. Boy I loved that Targ. Great at playing fetch too. Pity what happened to him. We went down on a shuttle, and delivered Klang the Targ to his master in the Great Hall of Warriors. The Chancellor grabbed the Targ and threw him in a large fire. He then gave us some knifes and forks. I got part of the leg. Very tasty, although the Klingons got kinda annoyed when I asked for some salt. After that he threw us out, said something about killing all humans, damaging all relations between us, and didn’t even thank us for bringing his breakfast back to him. Anyway, we’ve now resumed our course.”

“Captains log, supplemental. I got to keep all the cool furniture from the VIP quarters. But don’t tell anyone I’ve still got it.”

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