You Will Be Inventoried
| Star Traks: The Vexed Generation | |
| Episode name | You Will Be Inventoried |
|---|---|
| Season | Vexed: Season 3 |
| Episode number | 3 - 5 |
| Writer(s) | Anthony Butler |
| Year | 2376 |
| Stardate | 53207 |
| {{{image}}} | |
| Chronology | |
| Previous in series | The Host With The Most |
| Next in series | Nothing To Sneeze At |
| Previous in timeline | The Host With The Most |
| Next in timeline | Nothing To Sneeze At |
Synopsis
Lt. Commander Horace Malloy, inventory officer to the crew of the USS Corsica is due to retire from his department at the end of his current mission. Seeing that the Corsica is just a stellar observer, the mission should be uneventful. However, the ship encounters a crashed Borg cube (cube#590) on the surface of Soska II in the Beta quadrant, just as Malloy loses the plot totally and demands a transfer from Commander Eno the first officer of the Corsica.
During a heated altercation, (Malloy bashes Eno senseless against the hull of the crashed cube), Malloy realises that the cube constitutes the biggest haul of un-invetoried items he is every likely to encounter and sets off to "tag" the entire ship and it's contents. At this point, cube#590 re-animates, and Malloy is assimilated. AFter his assimilation, and exerting the full force of his Inventory trained mind, Malloy becomes Detritus Of Borg, forcing his will upon the sub-collective of the cube and replacing their will to assimilate with the will to inventory. Several federation colonies and ships are attacked and inventoried, tags being attached directly to every item of property, including the population and their pets.
The Inventory Mothership USS Greenspan is dispatched to investigate the loss of Malloy and his subsequent tagging of anything/anyone within range, discovering the cube atatcking and inventorying the colonies of the Van Nolan system. The Greenspan herself is attacked and inventoried, a single survivor, Captain Velara escaping to alert the federation to the threat.
Whilst enjoying shore leave (initially competing in a pseudo-professional wrestling tournament before being dropped from the games for over-enthusiastic use of violence), J'hana intercepts Velara's escape pod and returns her to the USS Explorer where a plan to first divert and then destroy the Borg cube is hatched by Captain Andrew Baxter and the crew. By using modified tags, they successfully lure the Borg into attempting to inventory an entire Asteroid belt, follwoed by a number of quantumm torpedo's and eventually the sun of th elocal system. The Borg, being of single minded determinedness, oblige and obliterate themselves chasing a torpedo casing full of inventory tags straight into the heart of the star.
At the end of the mission, Velara offers Baxter the chance to return to Inventory with her, as Captain of the USS Mussolini, an inventory Mothership, to which he replies, "Why would I return to being a beancounter?"